The Sannin's House
by Orochimaru86
Summary: Comedy - 3 Sannins are living together in a common house, like students, with own life problems.
1. Introduction

**''The Sannin's House''**

Team members are or should be at least, like a family members. One for all and all for one it's not just a saying, but something that makes a bond.  
Three best ninjas of whole Leaf Village – Orochimaru, Tsunade and Jiraiya were living together in one common house. Daily duties and other stuff were always equally shared between each of them with full of respect... Almost... Quite often... Sometimes... Yeye.


	2. Chapter 1

**''Jiraiya's shaving problem''**

It was early morning in the house. Everybody was preparing to go out to fulfill their duties, but seems like Jiraiya didn't start the day with happiness. He was quite mad about... his shaving razor...

 **Jiraiya** (very mad screaming and running to Orochimaru's room): Who used my razor?!  
 **Orochimaru** (full of peace in his voice, still lying on his comfortable bed and reading ''How to tame the Snake'' – latest hit in bookstores): And how you think, who would like to use it?  
 **Jiraiya:** Better tell me it was you! Look, all hairs are here!  
 **Orochimaru** (still reading): Maybe you used that and forgot to clean last time?  
 **Jiraiya** (being more mad): I was just suppose to use it, but as I said there is full of some hair in it! And you better look at me when I talk to you!  
 **Orochimaru** (one eye looking at flatmate): Do I look like somebody needing a razor?  
 **Jiraiya:** There are three people in this house and if it's not me and not you?! Then you don't tell me...  
And in that moment from her room, wrapped only in a towel Tsunade is coming out, speaking on the phone.  
 **Tsunade** (to somebody on the phone): Oh wait a second! Oh Jiraiya... (talking to Jiraiya) ah you have the razor, perfect! (taking the razon from his hand) I just need to finish my second leg! Bye bye! (going to bathroom and closing the door)  
Jiraiya was in shock for a moment and just stayed in position he was moment ago.  
 **Orochimaru** (still full of peace in his voice and still reading a book): I guess you have your answer and well, better go buy new razor or you gonna be late...


	3. Chapter 2

**„Orochimaru's sleeping problem''**

Orochimaru had a very hard night – secret mission abroad. Now he just came back home and the only one thing he was dreaming of, was nice and loooong sleep. He came to his room and found there Jiraiya making mess everywhere in his perfectly clean and steril room.

 **Jiraiya** (surprised to see Orochimaru's back): Oh Orochimaru! I didn't know you are coming back! I'm sorry I took your room cause in mine are my students – you know, we had practice and boys go tired and...

 **Orochimaru** (mumbling tired): Yessss...yes... just give me my pillow and blanket...

Orochimaru went to check Jiraiya's room, but yes – there were boys half sleeping half still practice something in their lucid dreams. He went further. Saw Tsunade's room. It was empty and the bed was just calling his so badly. He just lied down and curled in a ball and he was just in his sleep...

 **Tsunade** (coming to her room, speaking all the time loud on the phone with somebody. First she didn't even notice Orochimaru was on her bed): Yes, yes... No! No! I'm telling you it was completely absurd... No I didn't buy that!

 **Orochimaru** (woke up and with one eye open he cleared his throat to let Tsunade know he's there and well, trying to sleep) : Tsu... I try to sleep...

 **Tsunade** (Stopping her phone-mate a while): Oro! Can't you hear I'm talking on the phone! For a slug's sake! No any privacy in this house! Besides what the hell you are doing in my room! Get out!

 **Orochimaru** (curling down from the bed and taking his stuff): Jiraiya took my room! I try to sleep! I just came back home. Thank you nobody notice I was who night gone!

But Tsunade was not listening at all what he said – she was already back in her interesting phone talk about... something.

Poor Orochimaru went downstairs to first floor, hoping maybe in living room he will finally catch some sleep. He curled himself on the sofa, covered with blanket and just fell asleep...

 **Jiraiya's students** (Screaming everywhere, coming to living room): I will destroy you this time! You will see! Rasengan!

Lights- swirls and the sofa ended up with huge hole through. Boys came closer to see what happened and they saw more like half of something that reminded Orochimaru.

 **Boys** (super surprised and shocked): Baka! You just killed Orochimaru-sensei! What will happen now?!

Poff. And after half-body left only some dust and smoke. Kawarimi. Uff... After all it was only fake one. Moment later boys saw something like a shadow of snake passing and disappearing behind the door of small cabinet.

 **Orochimaru** (mumbling): Sleeeeeeeep...

And there he was. Finally. All alone and trying to sleep. And yes. It was almost perfect...

 **Tsunade** (on the phone coming to cabinet): No! I can't not find it! I have no idea where I left it... (going out not closing door behind)  
 **Boys** (screaming and fighting on the hallway): This time I will destroy you! Yes! You gonna regret that!  
 **Jiraiya** (running like crazy with piece of paper and pen): Yes! Yes! This is perfect! I will put that down! They gonna love it...

 **Orochimaru** (couldn't stand that anymore woke up and came out of his place and shouted as loud as he could): Shuuuuuuut up all! Tsunade! Stop talking on the phone – last bill was too much to afford! And I had to pay it cause again you lost all your money! Jiraiya – NO! They not gonna love that! It's a porn! It's just a porn without any sense! And boys! You will not destroy him cause I just said so! And your rasengan is not perfect! It's still spinning wrong way and final result is just shit! You need to still practicing! But out of this house cause this is not academy! And you all out now! I need to sleep now! Or I will summon Manda and we all gonna have problems!

 **Tsunade** (being in shock): Why you just didn't say you need some peace and want to sleep?

Orochimaru just broke down himself.


	4. Chapter 3

**''Read the sign''**

It was one lazy afternoon. Everybody was doing their own stuff and having own fun.

Orochimaru was sitting on the carpet in the living room and in front of him was ''sitting'' a snake – hissing all the time and waving in the snake's way. Both of guys were looking at each other with a deadly look as worst enemies.

Suddenly to living room came happy Jiraiya.

 **Jiraiya:** Ohayo Oro! What are you doing with this snake?!  
 **Orochimaru** (still looking at the snake): Taming him.  
 **Jiraiya:** Ohhh.. yes yes, as you always playing with your snakes!  
 **Orochimaru:** I don't play. I'm taming him. He bites.  
 **Jiraiya** (somehow he lost last words of Orochimaru and came to snake, wiggling finger on him and trying to play): Oh, look at that cutie! He's dancing fun...

Moment later there is a loud scream heard everywhere in the house.  
 **Jiraiya** (crying loud): He bit me! How come! He bit me! Look! My finger is swollen! Ayayayayaya!

 **Orochimaru:** I told you – he bites.  
 **Jiraiya** (now being mad): You better put a sign about that beast around here! It might be dangerous! Ayayayaya my finger!

Few hours later to Sannin's House 3rd Hokage came to check how everybody was doing and bringing some medical scrolls for Tsunade.

In whole house was a general silence – only Orochimaru was still sitting in living room with his snake – same position and look as before. This time only there was a sign in front of them: ''The snake bites".

 **3rd Hokage** (coming to Orochimaru and his snake): Oh Orochimaru. I see you are, as always a perfect student and even in free time you are practicing. Very good. Oh oh... (Hokage came closer to snake and wanted to pet him a bit), look it's a new one, how swee...

Same situation as with Jiraiya – snake after he got closer Hokage's finger, bit him badly. There was again a scream in the house. 3rd wanted to say something, but then in one second he noticed a sign where was written that snake is not really well behaving. He just left the place with tears in his eyes.

In the evening same situations happened yet few times, even thought Orochimaru put few signs around him and the snake that he really bites. Somehow nobody noticed them until very last moment when was already too late.

The last person who came back home was Tsunade. She was carrying some shopping bags and as always was on the phone – speaking with somebody about something.

Orochimaru was now full of signs around. Even the snake nad on his neck little sticker ''I bite''. And both guys were still like a deadly enemies just looking on each other and somehow rocking and waving like before last and final battle.

 **Tsuande** (on the phone talking): Yes, yes! I'm telling you.. No, no. Right... Oh, hold on a second! Oh look at you! (Tsunade noticed Orochimaru and his ''cute'' companion) Oh aren't you sweet...

In same moment Jiraiya was downstairs and in really last moment noticed that Tsunade is about to pet the snake.

 **Jiraiya** (shouting and running to catch Tsunade): Tsunade! Don't touch...

But it was too late. Tsunade just touched the snake but in same moment looked at Jiraiya – one short second... One millimeter... The snake bit Tsunade and in same bad moment Jiraiya caught her unfortunately in her boobs...

Minute later Jiraiya was flying somewhere over and through the roof of the house and Tsuande had a swollen... butt. Cause in same moment she turned toward Jiraiya the snake just bit her delicate part of body.

 **Orochimaru** (out of sudden to snake): I give up, you were right...  
 **Snake:** I told you – nobody is listening and reading the signs.  
 **Orochimaru:** This world has no future... Mad-house. I'm outta here.  
 **Snake:** How about some eggs?  
 **Orochimaru:** Deal, it's on me. Let's go.


End file.
